All systems are a go! I repeat this is not a drill!
“Hold up! Wait a minute. Pump the brakes. Let’s not get our hopes up just yet.” This was me reining myself in, tempering my excitement upon learning the news of the Wand by We-Vibe’s impending release.
After years of anticipation, this long-fabled union was finally becoming a reality. Would it live up to the high expectations we’ve collectively built for it in our minds? I braced myself for the worst and crossed my fingers and hoped for the best.
At least the wait was finally over, We-Vibe, had, indeed, endowed us with their long-awaited variation of the wand vibrator. And for some unearthly reason, they choose to christen it simply as, Wand by We-Vibe, like some vapid, self-obsessed pop star. This caused even more concerned that We-Vibe really might be biting off more than they could chew.
I wasn’t sure what to make of it all, so I remained reluctant to get too emotionally invested. At least, not until I’d had the opportunity to try it out for myself. So I waited… with bated breath.
And understandably so. As you know I’ve suffered through my fair share of gut-wrenching disappointments in terms of toy mishaps. I’ve confronted promising-looking toys, featuring what appeared to be innovative design concepts, that wound up living out the rest of their miserable existences as nothing more than exorbitantly overpriced paperweights.
Some of the worst offenders, I’ve encountered were left abandoned and disregarded, relegated to “the island of misfit sex toys,” otherwise known as my downstairs desk. A few reside there to this very day, collecting dust, taunting me with broken promises of earth-shattering orgasms they all had ultimately reneged upon.
You have to admit that it’s pretty ballsy for any brand to take up the challenge of designing a wand. By now, everybody accepts the Vibratex Magic Wand as the gold standard among wands, with the Doxy Wand, and full-sized Le Wand running as close seconds.
Striving to produce a wand to rival them is a tall order. One on par with producing a worthy sequel to a blockbuster hit, or taking on the role of the Joker after Heath Ledger nailed it with his hauntingly deranged performance in the Dark Knight.
Too Good To Be True?
In other words, the bar has been set incredibly high, and there are immense expectations going in.
With that said, I was reasonably confident that if any brand could pull it off, We-Vibe was one of the few who could. I trust the quality of their products, seeing as how they produce some of my most beloved sex toys to date, i.e., the Tango, the Touch, and the Rave, to name a few.
What We-Vibe achieved with this version of the Wand is a progressive interpretation of the outdated-looking, traditional wands we’ve all grown accustomed to.
The Wand by We-Vibe is a modernized, streamlined version. Quite a fitting choice to kick off the brand new decade. It incorporates futuristic design innovations, featuring an ergonomically molded handle and other cutting-edge elements including Smart Silence™ technology; We-Connect™ app compatibility; not to mention a refreshing new take on controls.
The Wand by We-Vibe even somehow looks expensive, drenched entirely in velvety smooth, matte silicone. This also means it is hygienically superior to most other wands on the market and ensures quick and easy sterilization.
I’d say We-Vibe went above and beyond expectations by including two distinctly shaped silicone attachments. I am particularly glad to see the inclusion of a penis-centric attachment. Seeing a mainstream brand like We-Vibe making the effort to be gender-inclusive is a breath of fresh air. Other brands should take note.
The flutter attachment resembles a looped spring or encircled coil. When attached, it gives the Wand the zany appearance of donning a silicone halo. Regretfully, this particular attachment is just not my cup of tea. It all comes down to the way it transforms the Wand’s, otherwise, rumbly vibrations — resulting in them becoming far too muffled and diffuse for my tastes.
I prefer this particular wand’s vibrations undiluted, straight from the tap, that is its oblong-shaped head.
The second attachment is an open-ended silicone stroker. And just so you know, my partner gives it his full endorsement and stamp of approval. And I must say, from my vantage point, it appears to offer quite the pleasurable experience. I couldn’t help noticing how it well enveloped his erect penis with a nice snug grip. No complaints to report so far.
Silence is Golden
But by far, my favorite Wand features are the Smart Silence™ and the uniquely intuitive dimmer-switch-like control mechanism. These two features, alone, tell me how much thought and attention to detail went into the design of this wand.
The control switch, lever, or, trigger, whichever suits you, feels a lot like a wall-mounted light switch. I love that it is super easy to locate through touch alone and that it can be operated by a lone finger. I also applaud the inclusion of a separate button for activating patterns.
By my reckoning, the Smart Silence™ feature is a literal godsend for parents out there. Even if it and I did get off to a rocky start.
I must confess to my brief moment of bewilderment. I was entirely flummoxed when I turned the vibrator on for the very first time, and it didn’t instantly zoom to life, as I’d anticipated. For a second or two, I feared the worst, thinking my wand was experiencing a catastrophic malfunction of some sort.
I felt incredibly foolish, a moment later, when I recognized that this was merely the Smart Silence™ feature at work. This lovely feature puts the toy into a perpetual stand by mode.
This means the motor goes dead quiet when the toy is pulled away from the body, or more specifically, there is no pressure being exerted on its head. It’s an incredibly useful feature for those of us who might be unexpectedly interrupted from time to time. Those kiddos, you gotta love ’em.
The only downside to this I’ve noticed is the Smart Silence™ feature begins to have a reduced sensitivity when either of the silicone attachments is being employed.
Fortunately, if don’t like this feature, it can easily be temporarily deactivated by way of the We-Connect™ App, or through the analog controls, by simply holding the pattern button down for a few seconds.
Feeling A Little Trigger Happy?
By now, you’re probably asking yourself the all-important question, “But how well does it perform?”
One thing I’ve come to dread about the absurd strength of some of the heaviest-hitting wands is how quickly their intense vibrations can cross the line from exceedingly pleasurable into a vulva-numbing nightmare.
This turned out not to be a huge concern for me with the Wand by We-Vibe. Yes, the vibrations are full-bodied and adequately rumbly. Yet, they somehow stopped just shy of crossing the line into overstimulation.
Customarily, I turn to wands in either one of two scenarios. The first is when I’m in dire need of an impromptu release and for some reason or another, I find myself racing against the clock; the other when I’m feeling so unapologetically lazy that I don’t want the burden of removing my pants.
We-Vibe easily fulfilled the requirements for the first scenario, but it isn’t quite potent enough to get the job done when applied through multiple layers of clothing. No biggie, I guess I’ll have to work a little harder for those sweet stoner orgasms.
While the Wand by We-Vibe doesn’t transcend the famed Magic Wand turned on to its highest settings, nor does it surpass the strength of the legendary Doxy wand, it is a close runner-up —possibly a third or fourth runner up. It’s definitely worthy of more than a mere participation trophy.
Like I’ve always said, it all comes down to taste.
If you should decide to go with the Wand by We-Vibe, you must be willing to do a little give and take. If you don’t mind sacrificing some of the Magic Wand’s over-the-top power, in exchange for modern conveniences like Smart Silence™, We-Connect™ app compatibility, tip-to-tip silicone coating, the Wand by We-Vibe just might be an option worth looking at.
Personally, I don’t mind, not one bit.
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