There comes a time when you have to throw in the towel and admit defeat. And I’d say that time has already come and past where it pertains to me and the hunt for my “Goldilocks” of dual stimulation vibrators. If you remember, I started this charge with a gung-ho, raring to go attitude. Feeling (perhaps, looking back now,) overly confident that, although the road might be rocky, the goal would eventually be met. Just like Cinderella, I’d find my glass slipper. It was only a matter of time. Not if, but merely when.

Today, I’m raising the white flag, I surrender. I’m crying Uncle, and I’m giving up the fight. Sadly, instead of finishing this quest triumphantly, with my arms raised high, one fist clenched tightly around the prize; the dual stimulation vibe of my dreams. I’m ending my search with dampened spirits and a dimmer view of all dual stimulation vibrators. That’s right, I’m reluctantly conceding to defeat.

I guess you could say the Miss Bi was the last contestant in my very own reality show. A twisted version of Are You The One? Except in this version, instead of looking for a partner, and winning cash prizes, I was searching for my one true rabbit vibrator.

Let’s face it, this series should have been canceled after the pilot episode. Seeing as how the ratings sucked, and in the end, no one winds up winning. Since all the potential matches turned out to be duds.

No champagne and roses followed with amazing sex and orgasms in this finale, folks.

Hollywood strikes again! Damn those girls on Sex and the City! They made finding a Rabbit vibe look way too easy. Deep down I think I knew I was likely chasing a ghost. Even still, I somehow thought I was going to be the one to beat the odds. I’d ride off into the sunset triumphant with my fabulous, orgasm-inducing rabbit vibe. I was going to prove the naysayers wrong. Turns out I was only kidding myself.

So without further ado, I bring you the final installment of the hunt for my “Goldilocks” rabbit vibe. The one that’s not too long, not too short, not too weak. Really not too much of any of the innumerable and complex features that work together to compose a dual stimulation toy. Remember, all it takes is just one of these variants to be incompatible with my preferences to cause a toy to get crossed off the list.

For the most part, I’ve had a pretty good track record with Fun Factory toys. Actually, I’m still deeply in love with and still indulging in the honeymoon phase of my relationship with their funky, duck-billed toy, the Volta.  How do I know this?  Because I’m continually vying for alone time with it, anytime and anywhere I can get it. And I guess you could say that I nearly worship their thrusting toy, the amazing Stronic G, from the Fun Factory’s iconic line of pulsators. The G’s mechanized thrusts hit my G-spot in all the right places.

So it was entirely reasonable to assume Miss Bi just might be the missing link. The dual stimulation vibe I’d been searching for all along.

And, if you don’t already know, showing me a blue toy is like waving an enormous, unfurled bright red flag in front of a raging bull. No, blue toys don’t piss me off. Nor will they cause me to come charging at you, but if one’s available I will choose it over any other color.

And if you hadn’t noticed already, the Miss Bi I chose comes in an especially unique shade of blue. I mean as far as sex toys go. It’s a marvelous hue that I’ve personally dubbed “Smurf blue.” A color that evokes sweet memories of those carefree, perpetually gleeful, little blue beings that live in tiny Mushroom houses, and are endlessly chased by the evil, old Gargamel and his cat, Azrael.

So far so good, right? I was dealing with a known entity, a Fun Factory toy and, it comes in a gorgeous shade of blue to boot. A shade that incites warm memories from my early childhood days.

Oh, and I almost forgot to mention, another key feature I liked about this particular rabbit style vibrator is its unusual ‘lobster claw” shape.

If you hadn’t already noticed, the internal arm is super chunky, and it has a nice fat bump, positioned in the ideal spot to fit snug up against the G-Spot. This arm finishes up with a smaller diameter, upturned tip. Creating a shape which easily mimics the tried and true come-hither motion, when it’s being thrust back and forth.

A technique that is usually performed with the fingers, and a method that is recognized universally as an outstanding source for G-spot massage.

I also dug the shallowness of this toy’s insertable arm. It’s a slight 3.5-inches of insertable length, coupled with a maximum width of 1.6-inches.

Well, I was right about one thing, I thoroughly enjoy the added tension of the elevated bump when it’s placed against my G-spot. The pressure feels superb, but unfortunately, it’s just not enough to bring me to orgasm. Another bonus of this shape is that the abbreviated length of the internal arm causes the clitoral to align almost perfectly with my clit. But, as someone who likes to grind toys extra hard against my clit, I still have to manually bend the external arm and press down to feel anywhere near the amount of pressure that I’m accustomed to and need.

So I bet you’re probably thinking, “It sounds like we’re on the right track. So what went wrong?”

I suppose the most direct answer to your question is it was those damned motors! They get me every time. In this circumstance, if only I could swap out the internal arm’s motor and replace the exterior’s with it, then we’d be golden.

Really, that’s all it would take. Somehow knowing this frustrates me more than the toy just being a total and outright bust.

Someone, please tell me what is the deal with rabbit vibes always having weak external motors? Anyone? No one? And why are they’re always paired up with a fabulously rumbly internal one? Why? For the love of God, tell me, why? From my standpoint, this setup is ass-backward.

But from what I can tell, this is a common occurrence when you’re talking about rabbit vibrators. I, myself, have run into it time and time again, along my journey to find my perfect rabbit vibe. It seems like I’ve confronted this mismatched dilemma in nearly every single one of my past rabbit vibe failures.

Somehow the manufacturers always manage to get it reversed for me and my genital’s preference. I prefer the stronger motor to be the external one. Or even better, why can’t they just be equals? Why not use the same motor in each of the toy’s arms? That seems like the easiest solution to me.

Maybe, I’m mistaken, perhaps the Miss Bi’s arms are actually equipped with the same powerful motor. (It sure doesn’t feel like it, though.) I mean, it could be that it’s only the thick layer of silicone that dampens the vibrations in the clitoral arm. But no matter, the weak vibrations in the clitoral arm fail to bring me to orgasm. Which means this vibrator fails me in a classic dual stimulation scenario. Just to clarify what I mean by that. I mean with both arms inserted and both motors going full blast.

Thankfully all is not lost. Even though it failed in the classical sense of using a rabbit vibe, I still found a lot of pleasure in merely rubbing the tip of the “internal arm” against my clit. This arm’s motor is oh so powerful and rumbly. Its vibrations easily brought me to climax. So it’s fair to say, the Miss Bi is not a total loss.

Yet, I’m still left to wonder, what might have been if the motor in the external arm had only matched the internal arm’s potency. Sadly, I’ll never know the answer to this.

What bugs me the most is all it would take is a simple reversal of the motors, and the Miss Bi would go from zero to a hero. It’s just that simple of a fix. What’s even more frustrating for me is that I found the “lobster-claw shape” with its noticeably raised bump, and shorter insertable length to be an ideal shape for my body map.

Alas! This is the end of the road for me and rabbit vibes. So long, sayonara rabbit vibrators, wish I could say you’ll be missed.

Get very your own Miss Bi at Fun Factory!