We-Vibe, how could you? How could you do this? After we had such a good thing going, and for so long. You know that I practically live for your Touch. It’s like I don’t even know you anymore! I feel cheated by the Jive.

Why couldn’t your Jive be as powerful and explosive as your Tango or the legend of your Salsa?

Why, We-Vibe? Tell me, why?

I’m at a loss here, completely stunned. There is no way I could have saw this coming. I legitimately thought We-Vibe was the brand that came closest to representing me and understanding my needs. If I’m honest, and yes, I’m a little embarrassed to say as much, I kinda-sorta thought We-Vibe, somehow just got me. Or at least it’s always felt that way. Every single toy of theirs I’ve tried I’ve loved.

Going all the way back to my introduction to the brand, with some of my very first sex toy purchases, the Tango and Touch. Continuing up until now with my more recent acquisitions of the Rave and We-Vibe’s dual-stim vibrator, the Nova. Toy after toy scored 5 out 5 stars with me. That’s just the way it was.

That is until I met this unexpected plot twist. Dun, dun, dun!

Forgive me for expecting the Jive to have the same range of deeply penetrating vibrations. Rumbly, exactly like the ones I’d grown accustomed to all of my other favorite We-Vibe’s toys having.

Whoops, I fear I may have gotten a little ahead of myself in my feverish rant of shock and disappointment. Sorry, about that. Let me back things up a bit.

Okay, deep breath in, let’s continue.

In case you don’t know, the Jive is marketed as a “hands-free” or wearable vibrator. One of the main selling points is the toy’s ability to be used wirelessly via We-Vibe’sWe-Connect app.

While I’ve never been gung-ho about the idea of a wearable remote-controlled toy, I know a lot of folx out there are. So I figured the Jive could potentially be a toy I could recommend if the question of a good remote-controlled option ever arose.

What personally sold me was the possibility of attaining what must surely be the nirvana of a hands-free orgasm. *Facepalm.*  I know, I know, I fell for the ole hands-free promise again. Trust me after this I’m seriously considering giving up on chasing the dream any further. I’ve accepted my fate, hands-free orgasms might not be in the cards for me.

What I really want is a toy where I can simply “set it and forget it.” I’m in search of a toy that I can turn on, pop in place, and simply lay back and wait for it to deliver amazing orgasms. Or, in other words, I’m hunting for the pinnacle of lazy masturbation. I know, it sounds more like a fantasy than any reality, but that should at least give you an idea of what I was hoping for with the Jive.

The toy itself is well put together. It’s an egg-shaped vibrator with the standard We-Vibe features i.e., it’s waterproof, USB rechargeable, and coated with a layer of buttery blue silicone. One of the only truly favorable things it has going for it.

It is also adorned with a long, flattened silicone tail for easy retrieval, and a single analog button conveniently located at the bottom of the retrieval tail. The button’s placement really does make it easy to reach and engage the power controls, if you opt-out of using the We-Connect app.

Look, overall I have zero complaints about the construction.

That’s why it pains me to say this. The Jive is a lame duck, dead in the water, my friends. A no-go. Got it? This all in spite of it succeeding quite nicely as a wirelessly controlled vibrator. In fact, the We-Connect app worked flawlessly for me. It had a smooth, easy hookup and a steady, reliable connection every time I used it.

So, I think it’s fair to say We-Vibe has the wireless toy “thing” down pat. Now, if only I could find a way to incorporate this new technology into my own sex life. So far I don’t have a real need for app-controlled toys. Call me old-fashioned, but I still favor regular-old analog controls, as opposed to the digital or app-controlled ones

No, as you can plainly see, my problem isn’t with the app or the toy’s wireless capabilities. My beef with the Jive is the same old tired complaint you’ve heard me lodge against toy after toy. It’s the toy’s power, where’s the juice, baby? That’s all I’m asking.

For Christ’s Sake, the Jive is an insertable vibrator. You’d expect it to have deep, powerful vibrations in order for it to successfully stimulate the G-spot and the deeply buried structures of the clitoris. As we all know, the inside of the vagina is notorious for lacking an abundance of nerve endings. This is the reason why a fully inserted tampon can’t be felt or felt very little.

Actually, I found the Jive’s buzzy vibrations more of an annoyance than anything else, when I had it inserted. They were nowhere near the realm of pleasurable. And the elongated egg-shape of the toy did nothing to aid in triggering a response from my G-spot. It just doesn’t hit the right spot.

Was I turned on when using the Jive? Does this count? I was so bored and wholly unimpressed that I “turned on” the television in search of some entertainment while I waited to feel some semblance of erotic sensation. Hoping for anything that could pass as pleasurable. So does that count? No? I didn’t think so either.

Eventually, I grew so frustrated with all of my futile attempts, I yanked the failed attempt at a vibrator out of my vag in a huff and impatiently pressed it against my clit. Officially nullifying any last vestiges of hope I might have had for the Jive’s “hands-free” capabilities.

But, as I soon found out, even when I applied the toy directly to my clit, the vibrations could not compare or even come near to touching the rumbly vibrations of the Tango, Touch, or Rave. Not even close people.

I did manage to produce one measly pitiful orgasm. Yes, that’s right, I had one sad, unsatisfying orgasm with the Jive. Which merely stands as a testament to my innate stubbornness and sheer determination. It was one of those watered-down orgasms that leave me feeling more frustrated than I was before I had it. Ugh! Smh, I really should have just given up.

So I’m sure my verdict on this toy comes as no surprise: in no way shape or form, can I recommend the Jive. And just in case you’re wondering, no, it’s doesn’t even qualify as a “foreplay” toy. (Whatever the hell that is!?!?) One of the latest marketing buzz words I’ve seen making the rounds. That merely translates into plain English as “This toy probably won’t get you off, but you should go ahead and buy it anyway.”

I’m here to say “No, you really shouldn’t.” If you hear or read that phrase in connection with a toy read between the lines and just save your hard-earned money.

I’m still not quite over the shock I’m experiencing from the Jive being the very first We-Vibe toy that my body feels indifferent to. I feel a bit betrayed if I’m honest. Which is uncalled for on my part. Everybody had their “off” days. So I guess even a favorite sex toy brand can make the occasional dud.

Unfortunately, this means I still don’t have a wearable remote-controlled toy, I can direct you to. Not yet anyway. I’ll be sure to update this post if I should happen on one that I feel comfortable recommending.

Get your own We-Vibe Jive at SheVibe