Jeezus! Satisfyer is cranking out new toys and (before you know it) even newer toys at such a breakneck pace that some of us are having trouble keeping up. Seriously, I barely had time to try the original Pro Penguin, before, next thing I knew, Satisfyer was releasing the Pro Penguin Next Generation!
So, I figured it’d be less confusing for everyone, if I simplified things by rolling my thoughts, on both, up in one tidy review. Or figuratively speaking, tied up nice and neat, like the little, red bowtie around the Pro Penguin Next Generation’s neck. But, heaven help us all, if I wake up tomorrow morning and find some glorified, advertising-copy announcement on Twitter! Raving about the upcoming release of the Ultra Pro Penguin Next Generation Part III or some shit. I think I might just lose my grip.
A Cautionary Tale
Satisfyer, do you remember the Friday the Thirteenth franchise? If not, you may want to do your homework. Paying particular attention to how quickly a “Big-Name brand” was watered down by the rapid-fire release of a multitude of unnecessary sequels. Tragically, turning what was once a beloved movie franchise, into a pariah in the eyes of its fans and the horror genre in general. Call yourselves forewarned. Just sayin’.
I won’t deny it, at first blush, I was enamored by this trendy new way of getting off. Completely blown away by Satisfyer’s toys. A line of air pulsing toys, that somehow (perhaps, magic?) wind up producing a suction-type sensation on the genitals. Which culminates in some quick and ultra-intense orgasms. Ones that can border on painful overstimulation. Depending on which toy, and what setting, you are using.
The Satisfyer 2, in particular, brought forth orgasms so intense and powerful, that they were just a hair shy of painful. Something I may take a hankering for every now and then, but not really the type of toy I’m going to reach for on the daily.
Make no mistake, I’m not saying I don’t appreciate these pulse-tech toys and the orgasms they produce. I’m just saying, as I’ve become more acquainted with them, I feel like, regular-old, everyday vibrators are more my jam.
Who knows? Maybe Womanizer will prove me wrong about this, someday?
My Misery Is Your Happiness
One thing, I can say for both models of the Pro Penguin, is that the orgasms they produce are not as intense as the Satisfyer 2. Honestly, I found this to be a relief. I consistently and easily produced orgasms with both models. So that was a nice change of pace, from the last product I reviewed, huh? God knows I hate wasting my time with toys that bring me nothing but frustration.
Still, better me than you, right? I mean, after all, that is, and always will be, my aim here. If, somehow, my enduring a bit of misery can save my readers money and the enormous amount of stress and frustration a lame ass sex toy can bring; I call that mission accomplished.
The Main Event
Okay, enough of the chit-chat, let’s get on with the main event. The comparison of the Pro Penguin Next Generation and the Pro Penguin OG. Beyond, the easily recognized superficial revamp in colors, what was once a magenta and pink toy is a now a dapper, black and white version with a red bowtie. There are also some deeper, subsurface design changes to mention.
As you may well know, any toy that resembles an animal gets bonus points, with me. And both of the Pro Penguin designs are absolutely charming, but the Next Generation swiftly wins this round. Wait, you are with me on this, right? A penguin sex toy, complete with a little red bowtie, come on now?
A more nuts and bolts type of change is the addition of a much-needed ridge on the removable soft, silicone nozzle. This keeps the nozzle from dislodging quite as easily. Remedying a known design flaw with the Pro Penguin Orignal. Making it little harder to lose. Which if happened would make the toy less comfortable to use and be a pain in the ass to replace. So round two, also, easily goes to the Pro Penguin Next Generation.
Another new adaptation is the added second, control-button the Pro Penguin Next Gen now has. Allowing for a more fine-tuned control experience with the 11 settings that both versions possess. Making it much easier to roll back the intensity at the moment of a climax. A feature, as you can imagine, I’m very keen on. Round 3 is another win for the Pro Penguin Next Generation.
The Subtlety May Fool You
Moving on to what matters most, how does it feel? Something I can say for sure is, both Pro Penguins produce a much more subtle orgasm than the Satisfyer 2. Now, I won’t pretend to possess a clitoris that’s capable of distinguishing the minor (if any) differences, between the two. However, I will say this, I find them both satisfying and their pulse technology makes for quite a unique sensation. Especially, in comparison to your garden variety, clit vibe or wand. Love them or hate them, pulse tech toys are definitely different and here to stay, that’s for sure.
So which should you buy? If money is an object, I’d say there is no harm in going with the least expensive Penguin model. Since the orgasms they produce, are for all intents and purposes, indiscernible. But for those with a shorter arm span/reach, I’d recommend either Satisfyer 2 or the Satisfyer Pro in any of its known interpretations.¹ Due to their longer handles.
Another thing to consider, if you’re like me, someone that gets a kick out of kitschy, quirky toys, go for either of the Pro Penguins. As long you’re aware that the Pro Penguin original had some well-documented issues with becoming waterlogged if submerged.
Wrapping things, I’m giving the Pro Penguin Next Gen the TKO against the Pro Penguin original. With all its upgrades, it has easily edged out its older incarnation for the win. Ding! Ding! We have a winner!
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