Imagine this. Two worlds you’ve struggled hard to keep separate are in route for a collision.

That’s s right, two neatly compartmentalized segments of my life, the online sex blogger, signified as a simple 2D cartoon avatar, and the real-world, 3D flesh and blood human that it represents were irrevocably set on a course to unite into one single entity.

Would it turn into an ELE? For those scratching your head, that’s sci-fi lingo for an extinction-level event. Or would I survive the impact and emerge as a brand new creature? To be sure I felt I was flirting with disaster.

You can see how this might be a terrifying premise? One that created a whole swirl of sentiments including; nervous excitement, terror, and insecurity propelled doubt, to name a few.

Along with all of these, on the flip side, I felt an intense clamoring of anticipation mixed with apprehension, that if I’m honest, bordered on certifiable panic.

Online anonymity has its price to pay. I feel like history has proven you can only go so far in this field shielded behind the relative safety of a cartoon avatar. Believe me, when I say I’d love to be 100% open about my true identity, but due to the circumstances of where I live it sadly remains a requirement.

OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE

Just merely entertaining the thought of briefly shedding my shroud of online invisibility at Woodhull was equal parts terrifying and liberating.

In the weeks and days leading up to Woodhull, I was brimming with worry and doubt. My mind taunted me with concerns, “Would this turn out to be a disaster of epic proportions, or would I be able to fully embrace this unique opportunity to be completely free of the restraints of online anonymity?”

What should I wear? What should I say? Will I be accepted? These are just a sampling of the fears and anxieties I had the days heading toward my first trip to Woodhull.

I felt a sense of impending doom on the drive there.

Which is kind of odd, because for years I’ve dreamt of making the trip to Alexandria, Va. In hopes of finally getting to be a part of the educational and inspirational adventures, I saw play out on my social media at the close of every summer over the last several years.

Without delving too deeply into my intimate, personal history, money or more specifically, lack thereof, was perpetually the roadblock that precluded this from happening.

This year I was hellbent on making it there. My mantra was Woodhull or bust.

I ultimately was successful in securing sponsorships with a few of my favorite online brands; Peepshow Toys, SheVibe, and Nox. Their eagerness to believe in me, to find value in my work, and their willingness to support my dreams still humbles me to this very day.

Sadly, even with these secured sponsorships it still looked as though I would be lacking in funds. So, again, I was overcome with emotion to get a notification that I had been chosen as a recipient of a marginalized blogger scholarship. This monetary award, along with the funding from my three gracious sponsors provided me was enough to make the trip to Woodhull a reality.

THIS IS HAPPENING!

Once I was there, I rapidly acclimated to my new surroundings and even shocked myself by daring to venture out of my room and explore. Finally even making my way to the Mixer, where I made my first introductions.

Everywhere I went, I was met with hellos and warm smiles. I guess it didn’t hurt that I was handing out swag from my amazing sponsors. I mean who doesn’t want a SheVibe sticker and a complimentary jar of The Butters courtesy of Peepshow Toys?

As it turns out, there was little cause for my pre-conference anxieties. Almost every single person I met at Woodhull welcomed me with glowing enthusiasm, genuine kindness, and many times, with literal open arms. (But never without asking my consent for a hug.) Why can’t the rest of the world be like this?

I spent Friday, the first full day of the summit, dedicated to educational workshops. I was keen to sponge up the enormous amounts of knowledge that each of my presenters offered. I managed to make it to three full workshops that day. These were presented by three of my sex blogging heroes and one groovy Indie toymaker: Dangerous Lilly & Kenton, Sarah Brynn Holiday, and one by Joan Price.

During my time there, I was quick to learn the value of balance. Woodhull is just as much of a social, and networking experience as it is an educational venue. So I dedicated most of the second day between intermittently spending time in the blogger lounge and finding respite in my room upstairs.

I suppose results may vary, but I found my time spent in the blogger lounge was just as meaningful as the hours I filled with attending workshops.

When I walked into the Blogger Lounge I immediately understood I was among friends, and I could see they too had anxieties and insecurities about being there and being accepted. Let’s face it, we’re a bunch of introverts, and I tried to examine every interaction through this lens. Always trying to remain cognizant that we were all feeling a bit out of our element.

I met so many beautiful people, who I’ve long admired from afar, including sex educators and bloggers alike. Honestly, it was difficult not to feel a little star-struck at moments like these. It was hard not to become flushed and suddenly become tongue-tied.

There was one person, in particular, I’ve waited for over two years to meet. This amazing person is Avery from The Palimpsex. We finally met and embraced, and it was terrific to meet them in the flesh.

CRASH LANDING

Up until crashing back down to reality while packing to leave for home on Sunday morning, I honestly hadn’t noticed I had been on a natural high the entire time I was there. I had been floating around on a cloud of pure exhilaration, but not realizing it until I eventually crashed and burned as I was about to leave. The reality of the situation only registering after I erupted into a blubbering mess of tears.

It was like I was suddenly overcome by an avalanche of emotion. It took the next few days after I was home to finally recuperate from the serious case of Con-Drop I was experiencing.

It’s hard to express the joy and triumph of finally living your dreams in a single blog post. However, I gave it my best shot.

If you’re reading this and you attended Woodhull, and I had the chance to meet and chat with I want you to know your kindness, made a massive impact on me. And if I never have the means to return, I can be happy to cherish the memories I made this year.

**Sadly, recent developments have caused my memories of Woodhull to be overcast by the bittersweet. It appears as there has been a known history of accessibility issues that have been voiced and in turn failed to be properly addressed. I look forward to seeing them handled appropriately.