Dull, bland, uninspiring, humdrum….shall I continue? No, really, I could go on, and on. About how much of a dud the VēDO GEE Slim G-Spot vibrator turned out to be. This review contains no mentions of grand orgasmic fireworks. Because there were none or maybe, better I said, I had none.
Nope, any hint, even the slightest whisper of an orgasm I managed to muster while using the GEE Slim agonizingly fizzled away. Waayyy before it could ever fully manifest. Leaving me with the same level of anti-climactic, unfulfilled frustration I get when I try, but fail, to will back into existence, a sneeze, that ghosted me. Vanishing before I could relish in the sweet relief of its completion. Meaning, the VēDO GEE Slim is all tease, no sneeze.
Or in other words, this pathetic vibrator had me continually reliving a familiar, but vexing sensation. That of a maddening itch that can’t be scratched. Similar to an orgasm, an itch is unwilling to be ignored after it’s awakened. It continues on, ceaselessly begging for gratification. Standing as a perfect reminder of our bodies screaming physiological demands. Taunting until an animalistic instinct takes over.
I Can’t Get No Satisfaction!
I don’t know about you, but in times like these, I find myself zeroing in on the nearest corner to rub against. Remaining only semi-cognizant of my grinding, my brain, temporarily on auto-pilot. That is until I’ve finally relieved myself of the itches powerful grip. Then, and only then, can I hope to regain my full composure. Free and back in control of my mind and thoughts.
“I can’t get no satisfaction! ’cause I try and I try and I try and I tryyyyy!” This little tune became a sort of darkly sardonic theme song for this review. Its lyrics remained on a continuous loop in my head after each of my attempts at gleaning even an ounce of pleasure from the GEE Slim failed.
Yes, thanks to the GEE Slim I now have a better understanding of what those ancient rockin’ rollers we all know as, The Rolling Stones, were trying to express with this song.
But see, in the case of the VēDO GEE Slim, instead of a pseudo-sneezes or unsated, hard-to-reach itches, I endured phantom orgasms. I’ve never been so grateful to have my “Old Faithful,” the We-Vibe Touch, on standby. At the ready, to bridge the distance and extinguish the smoldering itch that the GEE Slim’s wimpy vibrations ignited in my loins. My beloved Touch easily stepped up to finish what this pitiable excuse for an instrument of pleasure started. Like the hard corner that suffices for fingernails. The We-Vibe Touch always manages to soothe my maniacal itch.
Looks Can Be Deceiving
As a vocal advocate for the expansion of universally attainable, body-safe sex toys, I agreed to review the VēDO GEE Slim vibrator with hopes of it being another affordable option for a rechargeable silicone toy to recommend to my readers. Sadly, within the span of just a couple quick masturbation sessions, I’d rapidly begun to realize there just wasn’t going to be a happy ending.
I quickly came to terms with the reality that there was going to be a giant goose egg in the column of my notes marked: Number of Orgasms with the GEE Slim.
Granted, I gotta say that the GEE Slim wears the costume of a viable choice nicely. If judged on appearance alone, it has all the right boxes checked. It’s silicone, water submersible, USB rechargeable, and has multiple speeds. Not to mention it appears to be reasonably priced, but after testing it I have to warn you that in fact, it’s waayyy overpriced. Not worth any amount of an investment of your hard-earned money. No matter how seemingly insignificant.
Houston, I think we have a problem. In the case of most toys, I can usually find some semblance of a silver lining. Even if it’s just a fragment or a tiny sliver. I’m almost always able to find some positive feature, use, or aspect that could mean the toy is viable for use within in certain circles. Be it mediocre vibes for so-called sex toy “newbies” or otherwise suggesting a possibility for some off-label use. For instance, converting a sex toy meant for penetration into one for clitoral use instead.
Believe me, when I say I tried, I really tried, to give this toy every benefit of the doubt. Hoping against hope when it failed in its capacity as a G-Spot toy, (Due to its buzzy vibrations and being unsteady and incapable of staying in the required position to target and stimulate my G-spot.) that it could be redeemed as an external vibe.
Not What The Dr. Ordered
No Bueno folks! It let me down on all accounts. When I placed the GEE Slim against my clit I felt nothing beyond its dull as dishwater, buzzy vibrations. Nothing beyond mild stirrings, that never had a prayer of becoming full-fledged satisfying orgasms. It was then that I realized I couldn’t will an orgasm into existence any more than I could summon a sneeze into fruition. Enter the We-Vibe Touch to finish the job the GEE Slim started.
The VēDO GEE Slim just doesn’t have the strong rumbly vibrations required to bring me to orgasm. No amount of wishful or positive thinking can change that. Like Dr. Phil always says, “It can’t give, what it doesn’t have.”
By now I think you get the picture. So you see why I can not in good faith recommend the VēDO GEE Slim in any capacity. Just save yourself money, time and most importantly frustration. Which is damaging to your health. ‘Cause that is the only thing I can almost guarantee this toy is going to give you. And we all know, ain’t nobody got time for that!
Get your VēDO GEE Slim G-Spot Vibrator at these fine sex toy retailers: Peepshow Toys, SheVibe, & LUVOQA.